Here is our advice for soon-to-be dads! (Written by my husband and I)
Nothing can really prepare you for this crazy amazing new stage of life that both of you are able to experience but here are some tips to know how to go through it a little easier..
1. Be there for your wife. Especially if she plans to breastfeed, only the woman has the milk supply so she’s gonna be stuck feeding around the clock. Get her water, make sure she EATS, make sure she’s taking her meds (if she has a csection or tears during a vaginal delivery). Know that your wife will be hormonal and emotional.. just love on her. A card, a note, some flowers.. go a longggg way. You’ll both be sleep deprived so just go with the flow and don’t take it out on her. Get up and change the baby’s diaper, help make formula.. whatever it is, do it! You’ll both be in uncharted territory so help her as much as you can and work as a team. It’ll make everything go much smoother.
2. There will be a lot of potentially embarrassing things going on with your wife.. her “new” foreign-to-her body, leaking milk, bleeding for weeks, wearing adult mesh diapers (yes really).. etc. Tell her she’s beautiful. Give her a hug. Let her nap or take a rest.. because she needs it. But remember dad, you need these things too, just make sure she’s the priority.
3. Clean the house, do the dishes, or have one of your moms or someone come do it for you. (with wife’s permission lol) Encourage your wife to accept help when appropriate because giving up something can make the Mom guilt sink in.. and she’ll need a gentle reminder that it’s okay to not do it all.
4. Be the point person to tell visitors “No you can’t come over just yet” until she’s ready to have someone over. You be the one to tell people that your new family needs some time to adjust to life with a baby. They don’t need to see the baby right away.. the baby will still be there in a few days, weeks, etc. People may be offended but they’ll get over it. This is about you and your new little family.
5. Make sure those visitors Purell or wash their hands as soon as they walk through the door! Visitors may laugh but your baby’s health is important and they are very susceptible to germs in the first few months. Certainly don’t let anyone come near the baby with a cold or any sickness.. because “just a stuffy nose” to an adult can be a scary illness for a newborn.
6. Read up a little bit about postpartum depression and anxiety. Every mom gets the baby blues, but PPD & PPA are much more intense and can be a very difficult time for your wife. She may not even realize something is wrong. Know the signs and symptoms and get her help if she needs it.
7. Take pictures! Even if she doesn’t want you to, take them anyways! (However, do NOT post them or send them to anyone without wife’s permission.) Of course no one wants pictures of themselves when they haven’t showered, are wearing the same outfit for days, haven’t “lost the baby weight”, etc.. but take candid photos anyways because one day that baby will be grown up and she’ll look back and cherish those first days and weeks with her sweet little baby.
Being a great “dad” in the beginning stage is actually just being a great husband/partner. Doing anything and everything for your woman is what she truly needs. Even if she tries to do it all and be super Mom, help her and tell her you know she can do it but you’re going to help anyways.
When you return to work (which most likely will be before she goes back).. remember she still needs you. Even if you’re tired from a long day at work, take the baby when you get home so she can get a moment to herself.. to shower.. to eat.. to just be alone for a second. It’s amazing how little time there is in a day to get ANYTHING done when you have a newborn at home. Don’t make her feel badly if she didn’t clean or make dinner, etc.. just step in and do what you can!
Those first few weeks can be a doozy. But it does get better and easier.. and then it’s bittersweet because you’ll get to sleep more but your newborn is no longer a newborn. Try to soak it up. But also try to take a nap! Haha
Team work makes the dream work !!
Good luck! You got this Dads!
